Jounouchi Powers: International Man of Mystery
by Angellina Tsaint
Summary: Jounouchi Powers, frozen in the sixties and defrosted in the nineties to stop the nefarious Dr. Bakura has one problem... himself. Written with Assasin9.*YAOI, YOU WERE WARNED*
1. One: A strange beginning

Note: Nothing belongs to me or Assasin9, who wrote this little masterpiece with me. There are very few people in this world who would co-write a story with me, and she is the... fourth. So, three cheers to her!   
As for the Jounouchi Powers' thing... DON'T ASK.   
  
---  
  
Scene opened with Jou running down the street- alone. There were a few people chasing him, but they had given up, realising there was no point in their actions.  
Jou realised no one was chasing him and stopped. Just as he paused to look behind him, he was ambushed by fangirls.  
He then realised they were all middle aged men called Joe, all in Japanese schoolgirl uniforms and wigs.  
Terrified beyond reason, he threw them off and headed for the hills, smacking into random objects and people along the way.  
One of them happened to be Yugi, but as he has no part in this as of yet, the irrelevant boy got thrown aside.  
Jou stopped to catch his breath and found that the schoolgirl-Joes had been following him. Hurriedly, he stuck on a fake moustache to disguise himself. Thankfully, the Joes were stupid and fell for the disguise.  
He carefully snuck around a conveniently placed corner, only to bump into... Mr. Kaiba.  
And Mr. Kaiba said, "Jou! Stop playing with those fan girls! We have work to do!" He grabbed Jou's wrist and started to pull him away. Glancing back, he added, "Nice moustache, by the way."  
"They weren't fan girls, though! They were all called Joe-"  
"Joe? Did you say JOE?!" Mr. Kaiba looked worried.  
"Did I say something else?"  
Mr. Kaiba glared at him, pulling him into an alley. "These men... they want endorsing for their fast food joints."  
Jou's eyes widened in horror. "That's just /sick/!"  
"We have to stop them before it's too late."  
"I know. We can ambush them, then I can whip out some cool moves, and I'll take them all out single-handedly." He grinned.  
"We'll make that plan B."  
"What's plan A?"  
"All that, except I do all the stuff."  
Jou sulked. "How come /you/ get to do all the cool moves?"  
Mr. Kaiba sighed. "Shut up and follow me."  
"Don't I always do that?!"  
"Yes, so stop whining."  
Jou growled low in his throat, tackling Mr. Kaiba. "Let me do some of the cool stuff!"  
"Fine, fine! You can do some cool moves, just get off of me!"  
Cackling triumphantly, Jou leapt to his feet and raced off towards the Joes.  
Mr. Kaiba got up. "Hey! Wait for me, you idiot!"  
Jou didn't seem to hear him, as he body slammed the first Joe, who was holding a little Japanese flag. "DIE, JOE!" He yelled in a war cry like mode.  
"Jou..." Mr. Kaiba sighed, shaking his head. "That isn't a cool move!"  
Jou blinked. "It isn't?"  
In the time it took to blink and ask a stupid question, two more of the Joes had tackled Jou.  
"Give us endorsement!" one of them cried.  
"Nevarrr!" He yelled, before one jumped over his face.  
Mr. Kaiba looked around. 'Looks like I have to save his ass again...'  
Within a few minutes, Mr. Kaiba's amazing martial arts skills had, once again, saved Jou's ass.  
"Whew," Jou muttered. "Glad I handled that situation."  
Mr. Kaiba rolled his eyes. "Yes, your astounding skills came in /so/ handy."  
He grinned, getting a hand up. "Did you see how I treated that one in the tutu?"  
"Yes," Mr. Kaiba said, "Your great skill of being sat on amazes me to no end."  
"Yeah, I'm pretty amazing," Jou commented proudly.  
"Come on, Mr. Amazing, let's get back to work."  
"Wait," the blonde mused, "isn't this work?"  
"Well, I mean the work we were supposed to do before we intercepted the Joes. Or, rather, before the Joes intercepted you."  
"Oh..." Jou looked down, "What work was that?"  
"You... you don't remember?!" He sighed, "We're supposed to meet up with Yugi. It sounded urgent when he contacted me."  
"Do you think we have time to stop at a burger joint first?"  
"What?!"  
"Beating up bad guys makes me hungry!"  
"But you didn't... oh, fine." Mr. Kaiba agreed, secretly hungry himself.  
"Let's go to that one!"  
"But that's a pizza joint."  
"So?'  
Mr. Kaiba sighed. "I should know better than to try and make sense of him by now..." He muttered to himself.  
"Yeah! Pizza!" Jou cheered, dashing towards the restaurant.  
About half an hour later, Jou finally finished his pizza, having eaten the whole thing except for the one piece his partner had taken.  
Jou's stomach rumbled. "Gee... why'd you eat that? I was really hungry!"  
"Quiet. We have to go see Yugi."  
"Aww, just one more pizza!"  
"No way!"  
"It doesn't take me long to eat it."  
"But it takes forever to cook it. Now come on!"  
Mr. Kaiba grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and started dragging him along.  
"You don't have to do this!"  
"Yes, I do. Believe me, I do."  
They finally made it to headquarters, where Yugi was waiting for them, looking quite bored. When they walked in, the short boy leapt to his feet. "Finally! What took so long?!"  
"Sorry, sir," Mr. Kaiba started, "We got ambushed by the Joes and-"  
"And then there was a serious pizza predicament!" Jou added 'helpfully'.  
Yugi stared at him for a moment, then continued. "We have a problem?"  
"We do?" Jou asked.  
Mr. Kaiba elbowed him. "Yes, that's why we're here, idiot."  
Out of nowhere, he said: "Do I make you horny, baby? Do I?!"  
Mr. Kaiba smacked Jou. "That line comes later in the story, you moron!"  
"It does?"  
"Yes! When you're hitting on my son!"  
There was a moment of silence.  
"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that." Jou said slowly, and Yugi nodded.  
"Anyway, to aid you on your mission, we've gotten hold of some handy gadget... things." Yugi led them to a room filled with equipment.  
"Wow!" Jou cried. "Didn't they use stuff just like this in James Bond?!"  
Mr. Kaiba clamped a hand over his mouth, looking nervously at the viewers.  
"Ix-nay on the amesbond-jay..." He muttered, as Jou nodded. "Now, Yugi, what do these things do?"  
Yugi looked at the huge load of stuff piled up behind him. "I have no idea."  
Jou and Mr. Kaiba face faulted. "You would give us equipment without knowing what it does?!"  
"Sure, I do it all the time." Yugi then realised what he had just said. "Uhh, I mean..."  
"Aha! You're not Yugi!" Mr. Kaiba exclaimed.  
"Yes, I am. You just want my job."   
Mr. Kaiba glared at him, while Yugi passed them both tubes of toothpaste. "I don't know what this does, either, but I'd suggest it'd be best if you didn't use it on your teeth."  
Mr. Kaiba quickly took Jou's.  
Jou pouted. "But... but... oral hygiene!"  
Ignoring him, Mr. Kaiba asked, "What's the assignment, anyway?"  
"We've gotten word that Dr. Bakura is running a whorehouse in downtown Domino."  
Jou blinked. "And the problem with that is...?"  
"Uh... because he's evil and we can't let him get a decent job no matter what!"  
"Ohhh." Jou nodded.  
Yugi gave them the address, as well as a few more gadgets- all of which Mr. Kaiba kept from Jou's hands. Then they were on their way. They reached the not-so-inconspicuous warehouse in which Dr. Bakura's questionable yet appreciated business was run.  
"Alright, I say we break in, guns drawn, and take down Bakura the moment we see him."  
Jou blinked. "Why?"  
"DON'T BE DUMB!"  
Jou feigned a tear.  
"If you're trying to get my sympathy, you should stop now."  
"But..."  
"Just stay here. Don't try and pick a fight with a baby or anything."  
Jou sulked as Mr. Kaiba drew his gun. He kicked in the door and shouted, "Nobody move!" The room's occupants squeaked in terror and their arms shot into the air. Just as he was about to try to find Dr. Bakura...  
"Dr. Bakura! Where are you?!" came Jou's voice.  
If looks could kill, Mr. Kaiba would have been given life sentence.  
"Jou... what are you doing?!" He yelled, as they both watched Dr. Bakura begin to flee.  
"I just wanted to help..."  
"DON'T HELP."  
"Well, what am I supposed to do if I can't help?!"  
"Go count your toes or something!" Mr. Kaiba called, running after Dr. Bakura.  
"Don't try to trick me!" Jou called, on his heels. "I already know I have twelve toes!"  
He stopped as Mr. Kaiba ran ahead, not giving him a second thought.  
"Maybe I should double-check on my toes..."  
As Jou sat down and began to take off his shoes and socks, Mr. Kaiba pursued Dr. Bakura to what appeared to be a cryogenic chamber somewhere within the recesses of the warehouse.  
"Give it up, Dr. Bakura! You're cornered!"  
Dr. Bakura turned and smirked. "That's what you think." He pressed a red button and the door closed, separating he and Mr. Ryousworth (Ryou in a cat suit! XD) from Mr. Kaiba. As the cryogenic freezing kicked in, there was a loud rumbling sound. The chamber separated from the rest of the warehouse, revealing itself to be part of a giant Schoolgirl-Joe rocket.  
"Damn!" Mr. Kaiba yelled. "Dr. Bakura, I'll get you!"  
Dr. Bakura, obviously, didn't hear him.  
"I'LL BE YOUR END!"  
"No you won't!" Jou said, walking in barefoot. "Your part's almost over!"  
"Oh. Damn."  
They returned to headquarters, where Yugi eagerly asked them how the assignment went.  
"Well, the good news," Jou started, "is that I have ten toes."  
Yugi looked to Mr. Kaiba for an explanation, but the older man shook his head. "Don't ask."  
"The bad news is, Dr. Bakura got away in a Schoolgirl-Joe rocket."  
"... That's disturbing."  
"Blame the authors."  
Yugi nodded sagely. "Anyway... Jou."  
"Yes?"  
"As that... Schoolgirl-Joe rocket froze Dr. Bakura, we need to freeze you, too."  
"What?!" Mr. Kaiba stared in shock. "Him?!"  
"Yes! I finally get to do something cool!" Jou cheered.  
"He's gonna screw everything up. You know that."  
Yugi sighed. "Yes."  
"Alright. It's on /your/ head."  
While Jou was doing a full-blown football victory dance, Mr. Kaiba raised an eyebrow at Yugi.  
"There's a chance of not being able to thaw him, isn't there?"  
Yugi was still for a moment, then nodded. "We don't want our best agent doing something so risky."  
And so Jou was hauled to the headquarters cryogenics lab and frozen for many years. Until one day, he was thawed...


	2. Two: Thirty years later

Note: We still don't own anything... and this chapter is disturbing. In more ways than one.  
  
---  
  
"Prepare thawing sequence!" A much older Mr. Kaiba yelled, standing next to an also much older Yugi, who hadn't grown heightways at all.  
They watched as Jou was thawed in something that looked like ketchup.  
Once the ketchup-like goo was cleaned from his body, Jou was dressed and presented to Mr. Kaiba and Yugi. When his bearings were regained, Jou recognised them.  
"Welcome to the future," Yugi said perkily.  
"Yugi...? Issat you? So old..." He said in a detached voice.  
"Yes. It's been a long time."  
Mr. Kaiba inwardly kicked himself. If he had've been thawed, he'd be the young one, instead of Jou.  
"First thing's first. Jou, we'd like you to meet your new partner, my son, Seto."  
The younger Kaiba walked into the room, right on cue. He paused when he caught sight of Jou, then glanced at his father, then back at the blonde. "Oh no. He isn't."  
"Yes, Seto, he is."  
"If this is punishment for the time I accidentally superglued your documents together..."  
"No, though you're good to remind me. But this is your new partner, Jou."  
"I'll call him Mutt'." Seto spat, annoyed at the situation he'd been put in.  
"Hey!" Jou cried indignantly. "Why mutt?!"  
"Puppy, then," Seto sneered, disliking his partner already. He had heard a few stories from his father, and compounded with what he could tell just from looking at the boy, this was going to be a loooong mission.  
"I can't tell which is worse," Jou grumbled, glaring at Yugi and Mr. Kaiba. "I'll get you both for this."  
"Not if I get them first," Seto snorted.  
Sudden recognition sparkled in Jou's eyes.  
Mr. Kaiba, noticing it, realised what he'd remembered, and covered his face with a hand.  
"Do I make you horny, baby? Do I?!"  
Seto just stared. "Father... I swear, I'm sending you to the worst retirement home possible the second you turn 60."  
"I didn't teach him the line," Mr. Kaiba snapped. Under his breath, he added, "I just told him when he was supposed to say it."  
Jou looked thoughtful. "That great line is kinda wasted on such a bastard..."  
"Shut the hell up, Mutt."  
"Ahem!" Yugi cleared his throat, "As you know, Dr. Bakura has returned."  
"I didn't know that..." Jou said in a low voice, so Seto wouldn't hear.  
Unfortunately, he did. "There's got to be a better partner available than... than him!"  
"Seto, I put up with him for years. You can put up with him for a single mission."  
"Dr. Bakura and his minions have set up a base in the middle of [insert random area in Japan here]. They're planning to take over the world through middle management."  
Seto and Jou gasped in horror.  
As Seto turned a sickening shade of green and ran off to the bathroom, Jou stepped closer to Yugi.  
"Middle management... that's where people like Barbara Streisand run for mayor, right?"  
Yugi stared at Jou for a moment, but ignored the comment. When Seto returned, Yugi continued. "You'll need to intercept Dr. Bakura's right hand man, Number Honda (XD), for information."  
Jou blinked. "'Number Honda'?"  
"Again, blame the authors."  
Seto, having recovered from his sickness, raised an eyebrow. "And... how do we find Number Honda?"  
"That's where this new gadget comes in! An invisible car!" Yugi pressed a button on a remote control he was holding, and they all watched and waited.  
Suddenly, a really old granny on a granny-scooter near literally flew through the building and out the window.  
"Oops..."  
Jou, Seto, and Mr. Kaiba stared first at the broken window, and then at Yugi.  
"Not to worry!" the short man sweatdropped. "I have this!" He pressed another button and a door opened to reveal a motorcycle.  
"/One/ motorcycle? As in we have to ride it together?" Seto asked incredulously. Upon the nod he received, he turned to Jou. "You're walking, Mutt."  
"Oh, grow up." Yugi said with a sigh.  
"Hey, I'm not the one who killed the lunch lady."  
"We don't know if she's dead for sure!"  
"It's the 18th floor. Of course she's dead."  
Yugi quickly changed the subject. "Back to the mission. Number Honda can usually be found at this casino," he scribbled down the address. "Now... go!"  
Seto sighed and grabbed Jou by the collar. "Come on, Puppy. The sooner we get this over with, the sooner I'm rid of you."  
"Does that mean I get to go on the motorcycle?"  
"No!"  
Jou stopped him, and widened his eyes as far as they could go. "Pleeeease?"  
"Don't give me those eyes, Mutt!"  
"Pleeeeease!"  
He sighed. "Fine! But don't touch me!"  
"Wahoo!" Jou cheered, grabbing one of the helmets and hopping on behind Seto. Once they were both secured, Seto started up the motorcycle. Abruptly, he stopped it again. He whipped off the helmet. "We're on the 18th floor! What's a motorcycle /doing/ on the 18th floor?!"  
Yugi laughed nervously. "It'll fit in the cargo elevator..."  
Seto and Jou walked the motorcycle to the cargo elevator, went down to ground level, walked the motorcycle outside, /then/ started it up and rode off.  
Jou instinctively grabbed around Seto's waist, who was gripping the bars so hard his knuckles turned white. When they got to the casino around the corner, he glared at him.  
"I specifically told you not to touch me!"  
"But..."  
"Don't do something like that again."  
Jou glared. "I'll bet you liked it." Upon Seto's questioning gaze, Jou grinned. "You know you want me."  
"If I ever get that desperate, shoot me."  
"Gladly!"  
Seto walked off into the casino, muttering about stupid dogs and how he was very NOT gay.  
Jou heard, and ran up, grinning. "Y'know... denial was a river in Egypt!"  
"Shut. Up."  
"Just sayin'..." Jou muttered, looking around. "By the way, what does this Number Honda guy look like, anyway?"  
"I have /no/ idea," Seto replied.  
Thankfully, they didn't need to know. A voice rang out from the blackjack table. "And Number Honda wins again!" The two agents followed the sound of polite applause.


	3. Three: Number Honda and his 'friend'

I am terribly sorry for any mental trauma this chapter may cause. We still don't own anything  
  
--  
  
There was a man with a spike of brown hair standing next to a slightly shorter man wearing a dress.  
"Dude!" Jou hissed to Seto, "Is that Yugi?!"  
Seto shook his head. "No, but it sure as hell looks like him..."  
They watched as Number Honda raked up his winnings, not even noticing the hint of gold behind the man's glasses.  
Jou started to walk towards the table. Seto stopped him. "What are you doing?!"  
The blonde replied, "Man, I got this." He reached the table. "Mind if we sit in?"  
"Please," Number Honda replied.  
"I am Akira Toriyama," Jou announced, "and this is my lovely wife, Sakura."  
Seto slapped his forehead as the man in the dress suppressed a giggle and Number Honda raised an eyebrow.  
"You're aware your wife is male, Mr. Toriyama?"  
Jou faltered a moment and looked at Seto. "Why, yes I am."  
"And that he has a girl's name?" The man in the dress said.  
"Yes."  
"My mother was mentally unstable," Seto interjected, trying to save some face. "Just call me Kura."  
"Alright then. I am Number Honda, and this is my... friend, Yami," he indicated the man in the dress.  
"Number. That's an interesting title," Jou commented nonchalantly.  
"Oh, that's not a title, it's my name."  
"... Ah."  
Number Honda laughed. "Well, excuse me, but I have to go to the little boys room." Off he went, with Seto in close pursuit.  
Jou sighed, leaning on the table. "Mr. Toriyama?"  
He looked up to see Yami sitting next to him.  
"Ah, Miss- er, Mr. Yami, yes?"  
"Just Yami, no mister." He threw himself onto Jou. "I just /love/ blondes..."  
More than a bit disturbed. Jou tossed the man off of him. "Agh! Yami, please! I'm a happily married man!"  
"Oh, pull the other one. Your Kura looked pissed the second you said you were married!"  
"He did?"  
Yami nodded. "And you're too pretty to be with someone like him, anyway..."  
Jou shuffled to the edge of his seat, grinning nervously.  
"Plus," Yami added in a sing-song voice, taking hold of Jou's hand and holding it up. "No wedding ring!" He smiled triumphantly.  
"Alright, you got me there, but still! Not interested!"  
"Are you /sure/?" Yami purred, pressing himself to Jou.  
Jou shuffled away more and fell off his chair. He looked up to see Yami, grinning.  
"Terribly sorry Mr. Toriyama!" Yami said in an obviously fake voice, "Need a hand?"  
"N-no, I'm fine..."  
In a flash, Yami had pulled him up and was pressing against him again. "Come on... when was the last time you were with someone?"  
Jou pushed him away, sweating. "Really! I'm fiiiine!"  
As Yami's touches became increasingly intimate, Jou became more panicked. He cried over his shoulder, "Seto!" He then realised what he had just done.  
"Seto?" Yami smirked. "Who's that?"  
"Uhh... Seto is... my pet name for Kura!" He gave a slight grin, hoping Yami would buy it.  
Yami apparently bought it, and sighed. "You're a hard one to crack... I love that in a man."   
He started nuzzling Jou's ear, who was trying frantically to push him off.  
No human could be in the toilet for so long!  
Jou leapt out of Yami's grasp. "I'm gonna go check on Kura... just in case... something!" he cried, racing off to the bathroom.  
He ran into Seto, who was returning. "Jou! You idiot! I lost him!"  
Jou's eyes narrowed. "You... you what?!"  
"He disappeared."  
"In the bathroom?" He pondered how one could disappear in the bathroom.   
"... Eeew..."  
Seto sighed. "Come on, let's get back to the table."  
"Let's not. That Yami guy freaks me out. He wants me worse than you do."  
"Not that that's a hard measure to break," the brunette grumbled.  
"You know you want me, Kaiba. You want me baaaaad."   
"I want to kill you, yes." Seto sighed.   
Jou gave a low laugh. "Where do you think he went?"  
"How should /I/ know?"  
"You were right behind him."  
"He went into the stall. I wasn't about to follow him in there."  
"You think he flushed himself?"  
Seto stared at his partner. "Yes, Jounouchi, he went down the toilet."  
"Cool!"   
Seto sighed again. "There was an air vent above his stall. He might have crawled away."  
"Without Yami-in-a-dress?"  
"Maybe he figured Yami could handle himself."  
"Oh, he can," Jou commented. "He can handle so much, he was trying to handle me, too."  
Seto chose to ignore the remark. "I'm going to try and get some information about Number Honda from the casino employees. You go pump Yami for information."  
"As long as he doesn't pump /me/..."  
"Stop whining and do your job, puppy." Seto went off to question someone at the bar.  
Jou glanced towards where Yami still was, sipping wine of some sort. "'Do your job, puppy'..." He mimicked. "Hah. I'll do my job!"  
He returned to where Yami was sitting and was immediately affronted again.   
"You're back!" Yami said cheerily. "I knew you couldn't stay away, cutie!"  
"Yeah, I just couldn't resist you," Jou managed, forcing a laugh. *Just play along for now,* he told himself.  
Yami got closer and started rubbing his back. "So... are you up for that offer?"  
"Ah... offer?"  
"Yes!" Yami laughed, "My offer!"  
Jou forced a smile. "I forgot!"  
Yami nibbled Jou's earlobe and it took all the blonde's strength to not grimace.  
"So... uhm... Tell me, what do you do exactly? Erm, occupation-wise."  
"Well, actually, I just hang around Number Honda and seduce men."  
"Ah. Well, what does Honda do?"  
"He works in middle management at Ring Corp." His hands worked there way under Jou's shirt, earning a yelp.  
"Ring Corp?" Jou asked, doing his hardest not to throw Yami away.  
"Yes... he works for Dr. Bakura. Have you heard of him?" Yami started unbuttoning his shirt.  
"Uh, no. Can't say I have..."  
"He's an evil genius. Gonna take over the world through middle management." His hands had found their way to Jou's chest.  
Jou sprung to his feet. "Uhh, would you like a drink or something? 'Cause I'm going over to the bar for a sec and uh..."  
"No, I've already got something, dear," Yami indicated his wine. "Hurry back!" he called after the blonde.  
"I hope I never come back," Jou grumbled.  
He saw Seto, drinking.  
"What are you doing?!" He said in a low growl.  
Seto looked up. "I'm taking a break. What are you doing?"  
"I'm trying to get the hell away from Yami! "  
"Have you gotten anything useful yet?"  
"Besides a back massage? Yeah- Dr. Bakura's company's called Ring Corp, apparently. Number Honda's in middle management."  
"Really?" Seto said with a hint of interest, "Mind getting some more information?"  
"No! If I go back, he'll drag me to some hotel for the night!"  
"I'd do it, if it was for good information." Seto lied, trying his hardest not to grin.  
"Yeah, and does that make you a better agent or a better /whore/?" Jou taunted after ordering a drink.  
Seto grabbed him by the collar. "What'd you say, Mutt?"  
"Careful. We're supposed to be married, remember?"  
"Oh, cut the crap. No one believes we're married, or that you're Akira Toriyama. Could your alias have been any more obvious?!"  
"Well excuuuse me! I was just thawed out of cryogenic ice this morning!"  
Seto glared at him. "That gives you no excuse to be a total moron. Now go back and get that information!"  
"No! He'll-"   
"I. Don't. Care. Get the information, and do your job!"  
Jou narrowed his eyes, paid for the drink, and slowly went back to where Yami was, cursing under his breath.  
"Welcome back," Yami greeted him in a sing-song voice, those his words were slightly slurred. Jou eyed the empty glass in front of him.  
"Sooo... Are you staying at the Ring Corp headquarters?"  
"Yeah... why?"  
"I, uh, just wanted to know where you'd be in case I wanted to get together with you later..." He forced a grin.  
"Well, here..." Yami scribbled the address and phone number on a napkin and handed it to Jou. "Make sure to call me," he sang with a wink.  
"Thanks, I will."  
"'Course, we could always just hit a hotel around here..." Yami suggested, pressing his body to Jou's.  
"No, no..." He shook his head quickly, "I've heard the places around here are awful..."  
Yami didn't seem to believe him. "Fine, beautiful... but I'll be very angry if you don't show up..." There was a glint in his eyes that made Jou gulp. He didn't, for some reason, want to see Yami angry.  
Jou quickly downed his whole drink. "Look at that, I need a refill." He laughed nervously and rushed back to the bar. He shoved the napkin into Seto's hand. "Do we have enough information /yet/?!"  
"Yes..." Seto smiled sadistically, "For now. You're going to go see him later."  
"What?!"  
"Consider this punishment for being such an annoying idiot."  
Jou half sobbed. "There is no god."  
"Come on, mutt. Let's get back to headquarters. Say goodbye to your boyfriend."  
Jou sighed and, as they passed, quickly said, "Sorry, Yami, gotta run! See you later! Bye!"  
Outside, Seto got on the bike, making sure that Jou wouldn't grab onto him again.  
"I'm becoming atheist."  
"Good for you." Seto said in a tone that indicated he obviously didn't care.  
"It's all your fault. You've destroyed my faith."  
"My greatest achievement to date."


	4. Four: Ring Corp

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to no one... and yes, this chapter (just like the next and the one after that) was just WAITING to be posted.  
  
---  
  
Meanwhile, at the Ring Corp fortress, Dr. Bakura sat at a council of his minions, petting Mr. Ryousworth as he was informed of how modern day business was carried out.  
"So through middle management, we can really take over the world?" he mused.  
"Yes, sir," Frau Malik replied.  
"How sinister! And much easier than collecting all the Millennium Items!"  
"Sir," Number Honda said, "We've invested in a small, Seattle based company called Starbucks. It's grown in profits, so we have billions of dollars in shares."  
Dr. Bakura scratched his head. "Doesn't that happen in the second movie?"  
"Yes, but I really like coffee."  
"Oh. Carry on, then."  
"Also, we have a bit of a surprise for you," Number Honda continued. "We weren't entirely sure you'd survive the freezing, so we used your DNA... Frau Malik?"  
Obligingly, Frau Malik shouted, "MOKUBA!" The other people at the table covered their ears, wincing.  
Mokuba walked in, rubbing his ears. "Yes Frau Malik?"  
'Your father is here!"  
"My... father?" He looked at Dr. Bakura. "I'm related to THIS guy?!"  
Dr. Bakura raised an eyebrow. "I have a son?"  
"Well, technically he belongs to Mr. Kaiba, but we kidnapped him and told him he was yours," Number Honda whispered.  
"Come, Mokuba! Give your father a hug," Frau Malik ordered in a near-fangirly voice. Both Mokuba and Dr. Bakura regarded him as though he were insane.  
Mokuba walked over to Dr. Bakura.  
There was a long moment of silence.  
Then they shook hands.  
"So, Mokuba... what do you do?"  
"I lounge around and do nothing."  
"Okay..."  
"We've been trying to get him to do some work around here," Frau Malik sighed.  
"I'm ten years old, for chrissakes!" Mokuba retorted.  
"He's got a point." Dr. Bakura mused.  
Frau Malik ruffled Mokuba's hair, getting a glare from the boy. "But he's just too cute to stay angry at!"  
Dr. Bakura nodded. "Mokuba... anything you like?"  
Mokuba hid an evil grin. "Metallica, porn, care bears..."  
"Mokuba!" Frau Malik hissed.  
"Oh, come now. That's healthy for a boy his age," Number Honda commented. "Except the care bears thing. That's just weird."  
Mokuba cackled evilly. He then glanced at Mr. Ryousworth, who was currently furless. "A boy in a cat suit... with no fur."  
"Faulty cryogenics..." Number Honda laughed nervously.  
"No, I was like this since the beginning. It wasn't real fur." Mr. Ryousworth explained.  
"Quiet!" Dr. Bakura hissed.  
"Mew."  
"So," Dr. Bakura started. "Is there anything between us and world domination?"  
"Just Jounouchi Powers," Frau Malik replied.  
"Right, so clear shot, then?"  
"Well, there is one other thing," Frau Malik continued gravely. "Disney."  
"Damn! We are /so/ screwed!"  
Dr. Bakura hung his head, while absent-mindedly patting Mr. Ryousworth.  
"Dude, that's kinda scary..." Mokuba whispered to Frau Malik, who nodded.  
Dr. Bakura's head snapped up. "I've got it! All we have to do is have our middle management beat their middle management! How tough can their middle management be?"  
"Yeah, especially since all they do is remake fairy tales," Mokuba agreed.  
"We'll send someone to check out the competition." Number Honda called a random secretary to relay the order.  
The random secretary scuttled off, and Number Honda sat down. "We have a little to worry about on Powers' side, though."  
"Oh?" Dr. Bakura asked, "And you didn't tell me before my revelation because why?"  
"Well... sir, it's Seto Kaiba."  
Mokuba looked thoughtful. "That name... seems kinda... familiar..."  
"No it doesn't!" Frau Malik quickly said.  
"Seto Kaiba? He can't be too much of a threat- he's a CEO, not in middle management at all!"  
"Yes, but sir-"  
"Enough!" Dr. Bakura shouted. "I'm tired. I'm going to bed. Come, Mr. Ryousworth!" The two of them left.  
"So, what's with the boy in the cat suit?" Mokuba asked.  
"I wish I knew," Frau Malik replied.  
"Though it might have something to do with the sound-proofing..." Number Honda mused.  
Frau Malik glared at him. "No mental images for Mokuba, you hear?"  
"Yes, Frau Malik..."  
"Now, Mokuba. Go to your room."  
"Why?" He whined.  
"Because we have to talk about stuff, and if you hear that stuff, you could be a serious threat to our plan."  
"Aww... I never get to hear about the evil schemes..." Mokuba grudgingly trekked off to his room.  
"We should just drop a bomb on Disney. It would be so much easier."  
"Yes," Number Honda agreed. "But it's up to Dr. Bakura."  
"And then we have to worry about Powers and Kaiba..." Frau Malik sighed.  
"Let's get a latte."  
Number Honda clapped, and a man in a Starbucks uniform brought them lattes.  
"I say we drop a bomb on Disney anyway. I hate them to no end for making hordes of sequels to the movies I grew up with."  
"Good idea. If there's any bomb left, we can drop it on Powers and Kaiba."  
Frau Malik stared at him for a second. "Dear GOD, man!"  
"Sorry... I met Powers today."  
"Really? Is he as bad as Dr. Bakura says he is?"  
"Worse. He wanted me to believe he was Akira Toriyama, and that Kaiba was his wife."  
"His /wife/?"  
"Exactly."  
Frau Malik jumped into Number Honda's arms. "I'm scared..."  
"Hey, don't worry!" Number Honda said, putting the scared man down. "Jou's meeting up with Yami tonight! Bada-bing, bada-boom!"  
"He's doing that WILLINGLY? With Yami?!"  
"Yep."  
"His taste is almost worse than his stupidity."  
"I heard that!" cried Yami, entering the room.  
"Don't you have a date with Mr. Powers?" Frau Malik sneered.  
"Not yet I don't." He stole Malik's latte.  
"Hey! My latte!" Frau Malik cried.  
"That's what you get for saying I'm bad taste."  
"Well, you could at least start by not wearing a dress."  
Yami considered this. "You think it'll be easier to win him over if I do?"  
"Hell, it's the damn femininity that's turning him off!"  
Yami glanced at his watch. "I have just enough time to change before Jou's supposed to get here! Or, erm, before /Akira/ gets here." He dashed off to his chambers, taking the latte with him.  



	5. Five: The taming of the Chihuahua

Disclaimer: No ownie.  
  
Note: This chapter is NOT FOR CHILDREN. Or anyone else, for that matter. And I didn't name this chapter.  
  
--  
  
"I'm going to kill you, Seto," was the only thought resounding in Jou's mind at the moment. He was walking into the lobby of Ring Corp, on his way to the liaison with Yami. After asking the desk clerk the way to Yami's room, Jou was off.  
"Oh, please," Jou thought, "don't let him touch me."  
As he stepped into the dark room, he rubbed his eyes. "Uh... Yami?"  
"Hello, Akira."   
Jou could see Yami's faint silhouette in another doorway. "Your voice... it's, ah... have you hit puberty or something?"  
Yami gave a low laugh, actually sounding male, unlike when in the casino.  
He lit a couple of candles, allowing Jou to see a bit better-  
Not that he wanted to. Yami's new outfit was even worse than the dress. He wore an open bathrobe over a pair of thong underwear.  
"Good god!" Jou exclaimed upon seeing the clothes.  
Yami tackled him, leaning on Jou's arms and legs. "I'll tell you everything you want to know if you stay here tonight..." He said softly, lowering his head so much their noses were touching.  
'Come ON, Jou! Think! What would Kaiba do?' He thought.  
*Seto in his head* 'I'd do it, if it meant getting the job done.'  
'Argh! Damn Kaiba!'  
Yami laughed low in his throat, stealing a kiss from Jou. The blonde's eye twitched.  
'So Kaiba would do it, so what. I ain't doin' it. This is wrong on so many levels.'  
Yami continued to assault him, while Jou desperately tried to think of a way out.  
'Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong... oooh! Idea!'  
He managed to fake a grin. "Yami... this is, uh, great and all... but, uh..." His mind was in overdrive.  
Yami gave him a questioning look.  
"I... ah, I have a fetish for jeans!"**  
**Yami was silent for a moment. "Jeans?"  
"Uh, yeah! Nothin' turns me on like a great pair of jeans!"  
Yami smiled. "Alright! I'll be right back!" He got up and pranced into a back room.  
Disturbed by seeing Yami prance, Jou got up to search the apartment.**  
**"Nothing..." He sighed, leafing through a series of what had looked like important documents.  
Time was short, for Yami could return any minute. "If I were a crazy cross dressing guy, where would I hide stuff?"  
"Why don't you ask the 'crazy cross dressing guy' and find out?" A voice purred, and someone tackled him from behind.**  
**Jou squeaked in surprise and glanced back at Yami. "Uhh..." His brain failed to function.  
"I love it when you're literate," Yami murmured, straddling Jou's hips.  
His brain finally clicked. "AAGH! No no no no no!"  
"What's wrong? I'm wearing jeans, just like you wanted!"**  
**"Uh... I'm..." He thought of the only possible thing he could say to change the situation somehow. "I'm, uh, a virgin?"  
"Oh!" Yami purred, "Well, well..."  
'Damnit! That didn't help!' Jou inwardly swore.**  
**"That just makes this all the more fun..." Yami moved in to kiss Jou.  
The blonde shoved Yami off of him, more than a bit frightened- and disturbed. He noticed Yami's confused look as the shorter man lifted himself off the floor and he laughed nervously. "Uhm... accident?"**  
**Yami growled and leapt on him again. "You sure?"  
"Yes! Very sure!" Jou said, "Just a reflex!"  
"Where, pray tell, do you get a reflex like that?"**  
**"Uhm... my wife?"  
"We've established that he isn't your wife."  
"Oh... yeah..."  
"But he tackles you like that?"  
"... Yes?"**  
**"Even though you're a virgin?"  
"Yes?" Jou meeped.  
Yami sighed, kissing him. "If you insist, blondie."**  
**Jou was terrified, to say the least. He really didn't like getting advances from a man he didn't even like. And then, of course, there was the matter of his virginity...  
_What would Kaiba say?_ That was too easy. He'd say, "Quit whining and take it like a man!"  
Jou couldn't suppress the whimper that rose into his throat.**  
**Yami stroked the side of his face with a finger. "Don't worry... I'll be gentle..."  
'That's not what I'm worried about!' Jou thought bitterly. **  
**Yami noticed the expression, and grinned. "You wouldn't be uncomfortable, now would you?"  
"Uh, no! Of course not!" Jou stuttered.  
"Good..." Yami kissed him, deeper this time, earning a discontent muffle.**  
**Jou untangled himself from Yami. "Uhh... could I use your bathroom?"  
"Sure, it's right through that door."  
Jou hurried inside, slamming and locking the door behind him. This would buy him a few minutes to figure out what to do.**  
**'Damn! The window's too small!' He inwardly hissed, spitting and rubbing where Yami had kissed him.  
"Kaiba... you'll pay for this..." Jou said under his breath, "You will PAY."**  
**There was a loud knock on the door. "Akira! What's taking so long?"  
Jou looked at the door incredulously. He had been in the bathroom for what, ten seconds?! "I haven't even got my pants down yet!" he snapped.  
"You can take off your pants out here," Yami purred.  
"Oh no I can't," Jou muttered.**  
**"Come on, Akira!" Yami called, "If you don't need to go, come back..."  
Jou glared daggers at the door. "Yami..."  
"Of course, if I'm scaring you... I could change." The last words were spoken as Yami walked into the bathroom, now wearing a shirt.  
Jou blinked. "How did you... Wait... I locked that door. How'd you get in?"  
"I have l33t lockpicking skillz."**  
**"Crap."  
"What was that, /Akira/?" Yami said in a harsh voice, stepping closer.  
"I mean, that's interesting..."**  
**Yami smirked slightly. "I've had enough of your nervousness." He produced a whip from god-knows-where and cracked it about an inch away from Jou. The blonde cried out. "Now, Akira, on your knees!"  
"What the hell is wrong with you?!"  
The whip cracked again and Jou dropped obediently to his knees.**  
**Yami grinned sadistically. "Now... back into the main room..."  
"On my knees?!"  
"Yes. On your knees. And from now on, no more talking without permission!"  
Another crack of the whip got Jou moving.**  
**Yami laughed somewhat maniacally. He produced a leather collar, probably from the same pocket of hammerspace as the whip, and fastened it around Jou's neck.  
Degraded and disturbed, Jou awaited the next command in dread.**  
**'I bet Kaiba would /love/ to see this...' He thought, gulping.  
"Akira..." Yami said slowly, then leant down, grabbed Jou's hair, and pulled him into a mind-blowing kiss. Though it would have been more mind-blowing if Jou weren't totally freaked by whatever Yami was up to.**  
**"Now get down and lick my boots!"  
"But you aren't wearing any-"  
"SILENCE!" Yami cracked the whip again. "Lick my feet!"  
"Eew..."  
The whip came down again and Jou started lapping at Yami's feet like a dog.**  
**"Akira!"   
Jou looked up to see a crazed look in Yami's eyes, who leant down and pushed him back, straddling him.  
"I'm not one for patience, Akira..."**  
**Jou whimpered as Yami leaned in...  
  
***  
  
Jou was huddled in an armchair, rocking slightly as silent tears ran down his face. "I feel sooo violated."  
Yami was cheerily preparing some tea. "So," he started conversationally, "how come you were screaming 'Seto'?"  
Jou's eyes went wide. "I didn't!"  
"You did."  
"You lie!"**  
**"I /never/ lie, Akira." Yami said, grinning.  
"... Oh." Jou looked down, curling up even tighter. "I still didn't."  
"Your tea's almost ready..."**  
**Jou leaned against the armrest of the chair and felt something poke his leg. He looked down, and there it was: the folder he was looking for was sandwiched between the chair cushion and the armrest.  
Making sure Yami wasn't looking, he shoved the folder into the backpack he just happened to have with him (Maybe he got it from hammerspace. ^^; ) and hurried out of the apartment.  
"Do you like sugar in your tea?" Upon receiving no answer, Yami peeked out of the kitchenette. "Akira?" But the apartment was empty. "Damnit!"


	6. Six: Evil Plans

A/N: Yes, I have no life and crave reviews. Assassin9 and I still don't own anything.  
Now... for Pete's sake, half of this is hers! The middle management idea was hers! Yami's insanity was hers! I refuse to take all the credit! Go search her name and read her stuff!  
  
--  
  
Jou ran into the room where Seto and Yugi were talking, panting heavily (him, not them).  
"Jou!" Yugi said, surprised.  
Seto raised an eyebrow. "Why are you wearing a collar?'**  
**"Because I'm a dog, alright?" Jou snapped. He pulled out the folder and shoved it into Yugi's hands. "I am /never/ going back to that place. EVER."  
"Jou, this is the wrong folder..."  
"WHAT?!"  
Yugi laughed nervously. "Just kidding!"**  
**Jou gave him a homicidal glare. "I need to shower."  
"Did puppy get dirty?" Seto teased.  
"Do NOT piss me off, Kaiba."**  
**So Jou went off to shower. Yugi turned to Kaiba. "What do you think happened over there?"  
"Well, judging from the way the mutt is walking..."  
  
***  
  
Dr. Bakura yawned. "Middle management is boring."  
"But it's a fast and easy way to take over the world," Number Honda reminded him.  
"Will someone pleeeease tell me the evil scheme?" Mokuba pleaded.  
"Be quiet and eat your Wheaties," ordered Frau Malik.**  
**Mokuba sighed, pushing the Wheaties around his bowl.  
Number Honda sipped from his latte. "Where the bloody hell is Yami? He's meant to be seducing the cleaner today."  
Frau Malik stared at him. "What?"  
"You know, so we don't have to pay?"**  
**"Ah... good plan."  
Just then, Yami walked in, a whirlwind of emotions. All in all, he looked pretty put off.  
"What's up?" Number Honda asked.  
"He just up and left! Men are all the same," Yami sulked.  
"... You /are/ a man..."  
"That's beside the point!"  
"Uhh..."**  
**"Anyway!" Yami said, "I'm in love!"  
"What?!" Number Honda spat out his drink.  
"Well, not exactly love... but ooh, it's so fun tormenting him!"  
Dr. Bakura stared around the table. "Where the HELL did you find this guy?!"**  
**"We met him in a bar," Frau Malik replied. "He claimed he worked at your whorehouse."  
"Pff, no way. My whores weren't this... /weird/."**  
**"Hell-o?!" Yami interrupted. "Can we get back to /me/?"**  
**Frau Malik nodded to Dr. Bakura. "He went through extreme mental stress a few years back. Since then, he hasn't been thinking straight."  
"Cool! Psycho!" Mokuba cheered.  
Yami either didn't hear what Malik (or Mokuba) had said or didn't want to. "His hair is the loveliest shade of blonde..."**  
**"You two are perfect. His head is as empty as yours," Number Honda grumbled.  
Dr. Bakura waved his hand. "Can we just get back to the evil plan?"  
"Certainly. Mokuba! Go to your room!" Frau Malik commanded.  
"Aww, damnit!" Mokuba cried.  
"WATCH YOUR MOUTH!!"**  
**Mokuba hissed and left.  
Dr. Bakura started petting Mr. Ryousworth. "What is the current status of the plan?"  
Number Honda stood. "We bomb Disney."  
"I like it so far..."**  
**"Then we bomb Powers."  
"It's a brilliant plan! Put it into action immediately."  
Frau Malik paused. "To get ahold of the bombs, we may have to sell some of our employees into slavery and prostitution."  
"... Like I said, put it into action immediately."**  
**"Can we sell Yami?"  
"No!" Yami hissed, pulling his whip out.  
"Damnit, where do you /get/ that thing?"  
Dr. Bakura cleared his throat. "Ahem! Sell the nameless employees."**  
**He added under his breath, "And Yami."  
"But Doctor! He'll whip me!" Frau Malik whined.  
"That's not my problem!" However, he gave in when Frau Malik started screaming obscenities in his ear. The others were glad for his decision as well: Malik's yelling was slightly more annoying than Yami.**  
**Mr. Ryousworth then remembered something. "Yami, weren't you meant to get information from Powers?"  
Yami looked worried. "I... forgot."  
"You forgot and he got the plan folder?!" Frau Malik hissed.**  
**"How did you know?!" Yami looked scared.  
"I have l33t spying skillz."  
"I already used the l33t skillz line!"  
"Well, too bad! The author likes to say 'l33t skillz'!"  
"What's this about the plan folder?!" Dr. Bakura cut in.  
Yami rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Uhhh... You see, sir, it's like this..."**  
**"You slept with him, you made him tea, he stole it, and you swore."  
"Shut up, Malik!"  
Frau Malik laughed and leaned back in his chair. "So there's more?"  
"Yes!"**  
**"Yeah there's more," Number Honda smirked. "Now he thinks he's in love, remember?" He and Frau Malik both burst out laughing. Dr. Bakura looked rather bored.  
"That's not it!" Yami cried. "I didn't think he could walk, let alone get away in the time it takes to make tea."  
"That doesn't explain the plans."  
"Well, you see, I had no idea where those were..."**  
**"But you knew when you asked him why he was yelling someone's name?"  
Yami cracked the whip. "Quiet!"  
Frau Malik laughed while Dr. Bakura sipped at his cappuccino, petting Mr. Ryousworth.**  
**"At least my last name isn't Fagina," Frau Malik taunted.  
Yami roared, "Shut up!" He shoved Malik face first into the bowl of Wheaties still on the table.**  
**Frau Malik spluttered, pushed Yami away, and gasped for air.   
"NEVER speak that word!" Yami hissed.  
Number Honda laughed. "Anyway, Dr. Bakura..."**  
**Honda pulled out a list of employee names. "I've marked all of the expendable employees."  
Dr. Bakura looked over the list as Frau Malik and Yami attempted to strangle one another. "The only names marked are half of accounting and... we own the DMV?"  
"Yes."  
"Dear god! Sell them all!"**  
**Number Honda nodded. "Yes, sir!"  
"I... have to go." Yami said, excusing himself.  
"Oh?" Frau Malik questioned, amused. "Why?"  
"I have to win Akira's heart from Seto!" He declared, and stomped off.  
Dr. Bakura sighed. "He might end up getting Powers killed... and why the hell is he still calling him Akira?"  
The others sighed.


	7. Seven: A Dastardly Deed

A/N: Yay, new chapter. Still don't own anything, though...  
  
---  
  
Yugi looked somewhat miffed. "These plans are great and all, but they still don't explain why the employees of the DMV are being sold into prostitution..."  
"Maybe it's just Dr. Bakura's way of making up for the whorehouse you closed down," Seto suggested.  
Jou walked out of the bathroom, his hair soaking wet and a towel around his shoulders. "Ah, I feel better."  
"You should, mutt. You've been in there for four hours now."**  
**Jou hunched his shoulders. "That was NOT fun for my first time, Kaiba."  
"Aw, mutt was a virgin?" Seto taunted. "What was the name of that looney cross-dresser, anyway?"  
"... Yami." His voice got cold.  
Yugi looked up. "Yami?!"  
Jou nodded. "Yeah... why?"  
"Oh, no matter."**  
**Just then, the door burst in. As the dust cleared, a familiar voice rang out, "Was someone talking about me?"  
Jou yelped and ran in the opposite direction. "Yami!"**  
**Seto sighed and shook his head as Jou hid behind him, cowering and whimpering.  
"Yami!" Yugi said in disbelief.  
Yami looked, also in disbelief. "... Yugi?!"  
"You know each other?" Seto asked.  
"Yeah..."**  
**In seconds, Yami had attached himself to Yugi's leg. "Why did you leave me?!"  
Yugi looked bored. "Yami, we've been through this."  
Seto and Jou looked at each other. "Any idea what's going on?"  
"Nope."**  
**Yami was sobbing softly.  
"Yami... since you worked for Dr. Bakura, we had to break it off when I got my job here!" Yugi sighed.**  
**"I'm so sorry I took the job! And I'm sorry I screwed Jou! And I'm sorry I snored-" Yami rambled.  
Jou stopped him. "You know my name isn't Akira Toriyama?" Yugi and Seto slapped their foreheads.  
"Of course I know," Yami replied. "I'm not retarded."**  
**"... Oh. Continue, then."  
Yami hugged Yugi's leg tighter. "I miss you so much, Yugi..."  
Yugi patted his hair. "That's what you said ten years ago."  
"But, Yugi... I need you!"**  
**Jou and Seto watched this display for a few minutes before Jou's stomach started rumbling. "I'm hungry. I'ma go order a couple of pizzas."  
"Pepperoni only on mine," Seto told him.  
"Who said anything about pizza for /you/?"**  
**Seto sighed. "Get an extra one for me, then."  
"Okay..." Jou scuttled off to the nearest phone, and Seto resumed watching Yami and Yugi.**  
**"Yugi! Please take me back!" Yami sobbed. Seeing him this way was pitiful- not to mention quite different from the whip-wielding nutcase that had screwed Jou.  
Yugi sighed. "If you quit working for Dr. Bakura, I'll give you a second chance."  
"Okay!" Yami chirped, leaping to his feet. "Oh, thank you!" He smothered Yugi in kisses.  
Seto rolled his eyes. "This. Is sickening."**  
**He sighed while Yugi blushed a deep shade of red.  
"Yami..."  
"Oh! Yes! I'll go quit right away!" Yami tipped Yugi back, gave him a deep kiss, dropped him, and ran off.**  
**Yugi rubbed his butt as he stood up. "Oww..."  
Suddenly, a loud cry came from the direction Jou had disappeared in. Yugi and Seto dashed off to find out what was wrong. They found Jou sitting on the floor, staring at the receiver in devastation.  
"What happened, Jou?"  
"The pizza place... is closed!" His eyes welled with tears.**  
**"There, there..." Seto slowly patted his back, flinching at the thought of touching him.  
"Kaiba! You DO care!"  
"No, I don't."  
Yugi sighed. "Come on, we need a plan."  
Jou looked around. "I think he took the folder..."**  
**Yugi checked where the folder had been. "Oh, crap."  
  
***  
  
Yami rushed into the room, holding the file.  
"Yami!" Dr. Bakura said, surprised. "What the hell are you doing here?"  
"You didn't fire me, remember? And I got the folder Jou stole." Yami handed the folder over and sighed. "But I have to quit."  
"Why?" Frau Malik asked, amused.  
"Because I love Yugi!"  
Frau Malik and Dr. Bakura exchanged glances. "Yugi Motou, the boss of Powers?" They asked in unison.  
"Yeah! He'll take me back if I quit!"  
Dr. Bakura drummed his fingers together. "Excellent..."  
"What do you mean 'excellent'?" Number Honda exclaimed. "Now we're going to have to pay the cleaners!"  
"I mean excellent because now we can easily gain information from Motou."  
Number Honda blinked, clueless.  
Dr. Bakura sighed. "Yami /pretends/ to quit and spies on the others for us."  
"Ohhh."**  
**"No!" Yami insisted, "Yugi loves me! And that's more than I've been treated by you in my whole life!"  
They stared at him for a moment.  
"That's enough Moulin Rouge for you!" Number Honda sighed.  
Dr. Bakura drummed his fingers again. "Anyway, if you don't co-operate, we'll force you."  
Yami crossed his arms. "And how do you plan to do that?"  
Frau Malik whipped out the Millennium Rod. "I control people's minds, remember?"  
"Then why haven't you taken over Ring Corp?"  
"That's a very good question," Frau Malik replied, casting an uneasy glance at Dr. Bakura, "one I'd rather not discuss here."  
Dr. Bakura raised an eyebrow and said nothing to Frau Malik, but turned to Yami. "Help us or suffer."  
"Fine..."  
Number Honda got up and passed Yami a slip. "This slip will make Yugi believe you were fired."  
**  
*****  
  
For the second time that day, the door burst in. Again, it was Yami. "Honey, I'm home!" he called, waving the slip.  
Yugi looked somewhat incredulously at Yami. "How could you?"  
"But Yugi- I thought you wanted me to quit."  
"Not that! How could you take the folder back to them?!"  
"I was just stealing back what was stolen from me." He cast a glance at Jou, who was sobbing into Seto's shoulder about pizza.**  
**"I'll give you that..." Yugi sighed. "You really quit? For me?"  
"Of course I did! It's not like I was given a fake slip and sent to spy on you!"   
They stared at him for a moment.  
"I wasn't!"  
"We could put him through a lie-detector test," Seto suggested.  
Yugi gave him a look. "Or we could take his word for it."  
"I still say use the lie detector."  
"I'm the boss, Kaiba. My word goes."  
Seto glowered. "You just want to sleep with him."  
Yugi blushed, while Yami purred, hugging him from behind. "That'd be a mutual feeling, then..."  
"I did NOT just hear that."**  
**Jou let out a particularly loud sob and Seto smacked him. "For chrissakes, mutt, it's just a couple of pizzas!"  
"/Just/ a couple of pizzas?! It's not /just/ a couple of pizzas! It's a way of life!"  
"Shut up. You're annoying me."  
Jou went back to silent sobbing. "You just don't care..."  
Seto smacked him over the head.  
Yugi and Yami exchanged a look and then Yugi turned to the others. "Uhh, Yami and I are going to go and do something very important in the back room. It's imperative that you don't disturb us."  
"Yugi, call a spade a spade," Seto invoked the old saying.  
"Huh?"  
"He means just admit that we're running off to fuck." Yami replied.  
Yugi blushed. "Oh... well, it's been ten years.  
"Go do whatever you want to do. I'll make sure Jou doesn't jump out a window or anything."  
"Thanks, Kaiba!" Yugi called as Yami dragged him away, giggling.  
"Those two are hornier than rabbits..." Seto muttered, not particularly caring rabbits aren't THAT horny.  
Jou suddenly stopped crying. "I should try the new pizza place that opened downtown."  
"...You've been thawed for about a day now, and you somehow know about a new pizza place?"  
"I can smell a new pizza place a mile away."  
"But it's five miles away."  
"Alright, I can smell a new pizza place /five/ miles away."**  
**"So?"  
"I'm hungry. I have to eat, damnit!" Jou got up.  
"You don't have to, you WANT to."  
"No, I have to!"**  
**Seto sighed. Logic obviously escaped the blonde boy. "I still want my pizza, then."  
"I'm not ordering a pizza for you after what you said," Jou replied, sticking his tongue out.  
"Fine, I'll order it myself." He pulled out his cell phone and punched in the pizza place's number.  
Jou went off to order his pizzas, wondering subconsciously how Seto already knew the new pizza place's phone number by heart.**  
**Little did he know that Seto had recently been brainwashed by a pizza Joe to endorse his shop.  
"Jou! Don't be an idiot! I'll order yours, too!"  
Jou turned. "What did you call me...?"  
But Seto was already back on the phone.  
Jou didn't complain- he was still getting pizza, after all. However, he did hang over Seto's shoulder and add toppings from time to time.


	8. Eight: Moving the plot along

I don't even need to say I own nothing... and this chapter is early because of my lovely kind reviewers! Three cheers to you!  
  
---  
  
"Dr. Bakura! We have a problem, sir," Number Honda called.  
Dr. Bakura looked up from petting Mr. Ryousworth. "Can't you see I'm busy?!"**  
**"Dr. Bakura..." Number Honda pleaded.  
"ZIP IT!" Dr. Bakura barked.  
"That line's meant to be for Mokuba..."  
"Oh, quiet then."**  
**"Erm, sir, some of the workers are rebelling because they're afraid of being sold."  
"Make an example of them," Dr. Bakura suggested. "Oooh, have a public execution!" He laughed evilly.**  
**"Sir, that's been illegal for years."  
"Argh!" Dr. Bakura screamed, banging the table. "Damn communists!"  
"Sir..."  
"COMMUNIST!"**  
**Number Honda sighed. "Sir, please-"  
"SILENCE! I demand a public execution!"  
"If we publicly execute anyone, the cops will arrest us and probably shut down the company."  
"... That would be bad."**  
**"Yes. Yes it would."  
Dr. Bakura leaned back in his chair. "Then what?"  
"We non-publicly execute them."**  
**Dr. Bakura thought for a moment, then cackled evilly. "Works for me!"  
Just then, Mokuba burst in followed closely by Frau Malik.  
"Come back here!" Frau Malik snarled. Mokuba just laughed and continued to run. After circling Dr. Bakura twice, they ran back out of the room.  
"Uhh... that was weird..."**  
**Mr. Ryousworth looked up. "That did NOT look legal."  
"Exactly. Mind following them to see what they're up to?"  
"Hell no!"  
Dr. Bakura twapped him over the head.**  
**He turned to Number Honda. "/You/ go follow them to see what's going on."  
"Uhh, I'd love to, but I have to go organise the executions. Bye!" Number Honda dashed out of the room.  
Dr. Bakura sighed and rounded on Mr. Ryousworth.  
"Fine! I'll go," the cat-boy grumbled.**  
**Dr. Bakura grinned and sipped his latte, which had been there since morning. "Eew. It's cold..."  
Dr. Bakura looked up as loud cries reached his ears.  
"Put it on!"  
"No way! It makes me look like a girl!"  
"PUT IT ON!!"  
"I will not!"  
Mr. Ryousworth padded back in. "Yeah, you can figure what's going on without me."**  
**Just as he returned to Dr. Bakura, the whole building (including the Starbucks downstairs) heard an almighty yell of triumph.  
"YES!"  
Frau Malik literally came dancing out of the room, holding Mokuba high.  
"I DID IT!"  
Mokuba, however, was nowhere near as happy. In fact, he looked PISSED. "MY HAIR IS IN /BRAIDS/!" He screeched.  
"But you look so cute," Frau Malik cooed.  
"You are INSANE!" shouted Mokuba.  
Dr. Bakura, Mr. Ryousworth, and Number Honda all snickered as they looked at the pink overalls Mokuba was in.**  
**"I HATE YOU!" Mokuba yelled, kicking Frau Malik.  
Frau Malik laughed, hugging him. "He's like a doll!"  
"AHHH! ENOUGH WITH THE TORTURE!" He screeched, jumping to the floor, and running to hide behind Mr. Ryousworth.**  
**Frau Malik pouted. "You don't love me!"  
"Duh."  
Dr. Bakura rolled his eyes. "If you two are quite finished, we have employees to execute."  
  
***  
  
Three empty pizza boxes were lying on the floor when Yugi and Yami returned to the main room. Jou was happily licking the grease off of his fingers. He reached to do the same to Seto's fingers, but Seto smacked him.**  
**"Aw, c'mon, Seto!"  
Seto glared at him. "When did I give you permission to call me that?"  
"You didn't-"  
"Then don't call me that!"  
Jou meeped. "But... you called me Jou earlier..."**  
**"Don't you get it?! I was under the control of the evil Joes!"  
"Gadzooks!"  
"...Gadzooks?"  
Yami and Yugi looked at each other, nodded, and disappeared into the back room again.**  
**Jou slowly stuck his head into the hollow of Seto's shoulder. "I'll call you whatever." He mumbled.  
"Mutt, move..." Seto hissed, but almost softened when he saw Jou was almost sleeping.  
"No... sleepy..."**  
**"Puppy, wake up. We have a plot to follow. We'll never get through it if you're asleep."  
Jou sighed and sat up. "Fine, fine. But if I fall asleep at Ring Corp, it's your fault."  
"If you fall asleep at Ring Corp, you're as good as dead."  
"Optimistic, aren't we?"  
"No, just honest."**  
**"Pishaw." Jou grumbled, getting up. "So how do I seduce you by the end at this rate?"  
"I'd rather not think about that."  
"Kaiba, you want meeee."  
"Will you stop saying that?!"**  
**The two of them went downstairs to the motorcycle. As they went, Jou kept singing "Kaiba wants me!" and doing some sort of goofy dance.  
"WILL YOU SHUT UP?!" Seto finally screamed.  
"But-"  
"No! On the motorcycle!"**  
**They soon stopped at Starbucks for a coffee.  
"Uh... aren't we meant to be after Ring Corp?" Jou asked.  
"Yes, but I need coffee."  
"Oh."  
Once the coffee was had (what an odd phrase... is that english at all?), they were off to Ring Corp.  
"So now that we're here, what do we do?" Jou asked, looking around nervously, half expecting Yami to leap out and molest him.  
"We'll have to sneak into the conference room. I'm betting that's where Dr. Bakura is."**  
**Jou nodded. "Come ON... I'm scared..."  
"Fine, mutt." Seto sighed, dragging him along.  
"Ow! Ow! I'll follow! Stop pulling my hair!"**  
**They snuck through the hall towards the conference room. An open door along the hall caught Jou's eye. He stopped, although Seto kept walking. Jou looked into the room...


	9. Nine: Weird room…

Interesting, hmm?   
  
---  
  
...And found himself faced with every straight male Yugioh fan's fondest wet-dream: A room full of Mais in exciting underwear.**  
**Deciding to quickly check it out, he snuck in.  
"Hi!" The Mai's said in unison.  
"...Hi." He said, waving. _'This'll be fun...'_**  
**Jou shifted somewhat nervously, having never been faced with a woman in exciting underwear, let alone a roomful. He nudged a pillow on the floor with his foot. "Sooo... How are you all?"  
The Mais slunk towards him. "We're alright..." they answered together. "But I'm afraid we've been bad."  
Jou was a bit surprised. "Bad?" He shifted again, finding himself surrounded by Mais.  
"You're going to have to spank me," one of them purred.  
"And me!" called another Mai.  
Soon, all the Mais were shouting that they needed to be spanked. "You must give us all a good spanking!" they chorused.**  
**"And after the spanking, the oral sex." one said.  
"The oral sex! The oral sex!" They cheered.  
Jou was wide-eyed. "I, uh..."**  
**Just as the Mais began tearing of their exciting underwear, Seto walked in, grabbed Jou by the scruff of his neck, and dragged him off. "What are you doing?"  
"Saving you from those temptresses."  
"I could've taken them- there's only a hundred-and-fifty of them!"  
"Yeah, I /bet/ you could've 'taken' them..."  
"Pfft..." There was a pause. "Bet you're gay."  
"You'd like that, I suppose?"  
"You're jealous!"**  
**"You wish."  
"It's my duty as a secret agent to be in danger!" Jou insisted.  
"No, we've got to beat Dr. Bakura. Come on!"  
"But-!"**  
**He drifted off as Seto threw open a door that he had apparently believed to be the conference room. However, the door actually led to a bedroom. The two occupants of the room were looking at the open door like deer caught in headlights.  
And rightly so. Frau Malik was on his back on the bed, his legs wrapped around Number Honda's waist. Their mouths were about an inch apart, and it appeared as though their clothes were about a second away from being on the floor.**  
**There was a long moment of stunned silence.  
"We'll... be... going... now..." Jou said slowly, and they all nodded.  
Seto closed the doors.  
"... Dude! What the hell was that?!"**  
**"Shock value, I'd say."  
They continued down the hall before finding a door labelled in big letters, "CONFERENCE ROOM."  
"I think this is the door we want."  
"Shut up, mutt."**  
**"Hey, I'm not the one who got us stuck in a strange situation."  
Seto growled. "We're out of that now!"  
He pushed on the door.  
"Fine..." Jou sighed, readying for battle.**  
**The sight ahead of them was somewhat worse than the sight from before. The two men on the table were completely naked. Dr. Bakura was sprawled on top of the no longer cat-like Mr. Ryousworth. Mr. Ryousworth looked downright terrified that they had been caught, but Dr. Bakura glared calmly at the door. "Do you mind?" he growled.**  
**Seto sighed. "How long do you want?"  
"About half an hour." Dr. Bakura said.  
"Oh, okay."  
Seto shoved Jou out the door and closed it.  
"We aren't really just going to wait out here, are we?"**  
**"Yes, mutt, we are."**  
**"What are we going to do for half an hour?" Jou asked.  
"We'll wait."  
Jou raised an eyebrow. "But... how are we going to wait so long?" His eyes suddenly sparkled.  
"Don't look at me like that, dog."**  
**"Aww, come on, Kaiba! You know you want me!"  
"For the millionth time, no, I don't." Seto sighed and leaned against the wall.  
Just then, Mokuba wandered in. He spotted the two boys slumped near the door. Happy to see new faces, he smiled. "Hi! I'm Mokuba!"  
Seto looked up in surprise. "Mokuba?!"  
"Hey! You're those guys who Dr. Bakura doesn't like!" Mokuba said happily.  
"Mokuba! It's me, Seto!" Seto said, hugging his brother.  
"Seto? ...!" Mokuba gasped, "Frau Malik lied! I DO know you!"  
Jou watched the reunion with a raised eyebrow. "This is all well and good, but why is this kid wearing pink overalls?"**  
**"Because Frau Malik is a freak." Mokuba grumbled. He had long since taken his hair out of the braids.**  
**"Come on, Mokuba, we have to get you out of here." Seto tugged gently on his little brother's arm.  
"Kaiba!" Jou frowned. "We have to have the big finale sequence with Dr. Bakura in half an hour!"  
"Half an hour is plenty of time to get Mokuba to the base."**  
**"But..."  
"Shut up." Seto said, pushing Jou aside. "My brother is more important than you."  
Mokuba's eyes widened. "There's a big finale sequence?!"**  
**"Stay out of the plot, Mokuba!"  
"But I'm important in the third movie!" Mokuba whined.  
"Yeah, well this is the first movie, in case you hadn't noticed," Jou muttered.**  
**"What about the Starbucks, then?"  
"Uh..." Jou scratched his head. "Don't confuse me."  
Seto sighed. "Mokuba, you're irrelevant right now."  
"But I'm used as bait!"   
Jou and Seto exchanged a look. "You are?"**  
**"Yes, I am."  
Seto tugged him towards the door again. "No way am I putting my little brother in danger!"  
"Aww, I never get any action!"  
"That sounded wrong."  
"Get your mind out of the gutter, mutt."**  
**Jou snickered.  
"And don't snicker."  
"How did you know that I was snickering?"  
"I didn't. You just told me."**  
**"DAMN YOU!" Jou shouted dramatically.  
"Not in front of my little brother," Seto growled, smacking the blonde.  
"I don't give a shit-"  
"MOKUBA!!"**  
**Seto looked like he was having a heart attack. "JOUNOUCHI, YOU STUPID MUTT, YOU HAVE DEFILED THE PURE, INNOCENT MIND OF MY BROTHER!"  
Mokuba's eyes were wide. "I heard Frau Malik say it!"  
"... Oh." Seto said, releasing Jou's throat.**  
**He was immediately back on the rampage. "Where is this Frau Malik?! I'll kill him!!"  
"He's in this room," Mokuba started, heading towards the door Seto and Jou had tried before finding the conference room.  
Remembering the scene behind the door, Seto lunged for his little brother. "NO, MOKUBA!"


	10. Ten: What we've all been waiting for

Okay. right into the action!  
  
---  
  
Slow motion opera music played, as Mokuba opened the door (in slow motion).  
Seto made a desperate jump (also in slow motion), but missed and crashed into a pot plant.  
Jou just stood there, scratching his head, and wondered how on earth they were moving so slow.**  
**The door opened all the way as Seto made a last desperate grab for Mokuba and missed.  
Number Honda and Frau Malik were again staring at the door in shock. This time, however, they were under the covers, lying next to one another with cigarettes in their hands.**  
**Mokuba gasped. "Frau Malik... you said you'd quit!"  
"Mokuba?!" Frau Malik hissed, "What are you doing?!"  
"... Proving to my brother that I'm not innocent and cute."  
"But you are!"**  
**"Don't change the subject!"  
"...What?"  
Jou walked over to the doorway and looked in. "Hey, that was fast..."  
Frau Malik snorted indignantly. "Not /my/ fault..."  
Number Honda glared at him. "What's /that/ supposed to mean?!"  
"Nothing, Minute-Man."**  
**"What'd you call me?!" Number Honda hissed.  
"You heard me! Why don't you think of someone else's needs for once?"  
I would, if you weren't so damn hard to please!"  
Seto was aghast. "Quick, Mokuba! Cover your eyes and shut your ears!"  
"Uh, what?" Mokuba asked.**  
**Jou was rather entertained by the scene. "You two should get into something skimpy and wrestle. Or you could wrestle naked, but that could get messy..."  
Everyone stared at Jou.  
"...What?"  
"You scare me, mutt."**  
**"I was dropped on my head as a baby."  
"How did I not guess that?"  
Jou snarled. "Only once, Kaiba."  
"... Once?"  
"Okay, twice. But that's not the point!"**  
**Frau Malik sighed. "I'm out of here." He tore the sheet off the bed, wrapped it around himself, and fled. Number Honda was left to cover himself with his hands.  
Seto yanked Mokuba out of the doorway. "That's enough of that!"**  
**"But-!"  
"No more tainting of your mind!"  
Jou had one last look at Number Honda, and followed. **  
**Suddenly, the half-hour was up. Jou and Seto headed back to the conference room. Dr. Bakura was waiting for them. Mr. Ryousworth was nowhere to be seen.  
"Alright. Let's get down to business."**  
**"Uh..." Jou looked around, "Where's your cat boy?"  
Dr. Bakura smirked. "He's off to get a lifesaver to sit on."  
"A... a candy?" Mokuba asked innocently.  
"Mokuba, outside." Seto ordered.**  
**After a long moment of uneasy silence, a yelp came from the other side of the door.  
"Mokuba!" Seto shrieked, running for the handle.  
"Halt!" Frau Malik yelled, stepping through, holding Mokuba (who was now wearing earphones). "Make another move, and Cher's greatest hits will be blasted into your brothers ears!"  
Jou gasped. "You fiend!"**  
**"Get in the tank or I'll play the CD!" Frau Malik threatened.  
Jou blinked. "What tank?"  
"The one conveniently placed on the other side of the room."  
Jou turned. "Oh. Would you look at that?"**  
**Number Honda entered, now fully clothed, and tied Jou and Seto together. He escorted them to the tank and locked them in.  
"In a few moments," Dr. Bakura started, "this tank will be filled with Blue Eyes White Dragons with lasers strapped to their heads. I realize the lasers are unnecesary, but-"  
Number Honda interrupted him. "Actually sir, we couldn't get the Blue Eyes."  
"Well, what /do/ we have, then?!"  
"...Rabid Kuriboh."  
Dr. Bakura's eye furrowed. "And WHY don't we have the Blue Eyes White Dragons?"  
"Well... since you were frozen, they've been placed on the Endangered Monsters List. We tried to get some, but it'd take months to clear up the red tape."  
"Kuriboh, though?!"  
"They're mutated Kuriboh."  
Dr. Bakura's eyes sparkled. "Really? Are they ill-tempered?"  
"Yes, Dr. Bakura."  
"Fine. Someone, just close the tank." He ordered, gaining more stares.  
"Dr. Bakura... you're just going to leave them? They'll get away!" Number Honda protested.  
"No, we'll leave them alone and not actually witness them dying, and we'll just assume it all went according to plan." He grinned as the tank closed, with Jou and Seto inside.**  
**"Are you always this stupid?" Mokuba commented.  
"Don't talk to your father like that!" Frau Malik snapped.  
"Cut the crap! I know he's not my father!"  
Frau Malik gasped. "But how?!"  
"...You're all idiots."**  
**Frau Malik looked hurt. "How...?"  
"Mainly because you told Seto I was his brother."  
"Oh. That's understandable, then."  
Mokuba sighed, then turned to the tank. "BROTHERR!"**  
**"Come on, let's get out of here," Dr. Bakura ordered. "Come, Mr. Ryousworth!"  
Mr. Ryousworth, who had just entered the room, blinked. "Here? Now?"**  
**Everyone stared at him.  
"That line's been used before." Mokuba said.  
"Ah, yes, but I have l33t line recycling skillz."  
Number Honda sighed. "Wrong author."**  
**So Dr. Bakura and his lackeys left the room and Jou and Seto made an amazing escape using toothpaste, dental floss, and the death of a random guard. They then hurried off to find the others.  
"Quick! We have to find Mokuba before they make him listen to that mind-destroying filth Cher dares to call music!"**  
**Jou nodded. "I'll go on ahead, Kaiba. You go find your brother."  
Seto gave him an uneasy glance, but nodded. Then ran off.  
"This shouldn't be too hard..." Jou said, strutting along. "Hey, this kinda looks like the last corridor-"  
He was suddenly pulled into a room.  
"He has come back to spank us!" Someone said.  
Jou spun around to see the Mais.  
"Oh, crap. Not now!"  
They huddled close to him, smiling seductively.  
"Pegasus naked on a cold day! Pegasus naked on a cold day! Pegasus naked on a cold day!"  
The Mais ran their hands down Jou's chest.   
Jou finally managed to break away. "I'm outta here!"  
"Don't run. You can't resist us, Mr. Powers."  
Jou paused. "No way! It's /you/ who can't resist /me/!"  
Music came on- music that sounded suspiciously like the Yugioh theme.**  
**Jou had wanted something sexier, but he was running out of options. Gulping, he started the macerena. If he was right about these Mais being fembots, they'd blow up.  
A few Mais exchanged looks, all getting slightly excited at the thought of him stripping.**  
**Jou ripped open his shirt. The Mais gave a slight leap of excitement. Jou turned and ripped off his pants as well, revealing his Red Eyes Black Dragon underwear. The Mais gave murmurs of approval.**  
**He pulled out some cigarettes and lit them, throwing one to each of the Mais.  
Spinning around, and getting really jiggy with it, he started singing along, getting more murmurs of excitement.**  
**Jou turned his back to them, bent over, reached behind himself and slapped his backside. The Mais spit out their cigarettes. Jou continued to dance, shaking his bum. He turned back to the Mais and gave a thrust of his hips. The heads of two Mais near the back exploded.**  
**He grinned, then shaked his hips, causing two more to explode.   
There were four left.   
Sighing, he did the most erotic dance he could think of - the barney dance.  
Three more exploded.**  
**The final Mai stared him down. However, she was no match for his amazing sex powers. Her head exploded as he started in on the funky chicken.  
Proud of himself, Jou continued to dance for a few minutes. The door opened and Seto walked in.  
Jou looked up in surprise. "Kaiba! Er, I can explain..."  
Surveying the scene, Seto sweatdropped. "Don't bother. Put some clothes on and let's go, mutt."**  
**Jou pulled his clothes on. "I thought you were getting Mokuba?"  
"I couldn't find him." Seto said, turning away.  
"So... why'd you come to get me?"  
Seto shrugged.  
"A-HAH! Kaiba wants meee!"**  
**"Shut up for a change," Seto growled.  
"Kaiba waaants me! He wants my boooody!" Jou sang.  
Something inside Seto snapped. He whirled around and pinned Jou to the wall in one swift movement. Before the blonde could react, Seto was kissing him deeply.


	11. Eleven: President Otogi?

A/N: This is going to be SHORT. Why? Because we haven't written any more than this. But you deserve the little that's left, right? After all, it has Otogi! Not that I like him that much, but I like the way we wrote him (or mainly how she wrote him, because she did most of it). Also, she wrote the author's note that you'll see soon... anyway, enjoy. And give ideas. Ideas + me finding her online + me telling her how much everyone loves J.P. and giving her the ideas = a slight chance of more stuff. Oh, and she told me to tell you that she's lazy, but I don't really agree.   
  
---  
  
Jou was bewildered. When he needed to breathe, he broke away, gasping for air. "K-Kaiba... what... what did you...?"  
"I want you, okay? You're right." Seto looked slightly crazy, to say the least.  
"Kaiba, are you ill?" Jou asked, nervous.  
"I might be..." He said, and kissed Jou again.**  
**Seto's tongue squeezed its way past Jou's lips and he delighted at the taste that greeted him, a flavor that could only be described as Jou.  
Jou moaned softly, his tongue meekly greeting the invader. His hands fisted into Seto's shirt.  
Seto retracted his tongue and nibbled gently at Jou's lip, earning a soft whimper.  
He pulled back and Jou smiled slightly. "You act like you haven't been kissed in ages."  
"Well, I haven't. At least, not since this fic started."  
"It shows," the blonde grinned.**  
**Seto pressed him closer to the wall. "There's something else I haven't done in ages..."  
"Oh?" Jou purred, seeing where things were going. "Do we have time...?"  
"Of course we do. Even if we take an hour... hardly any time would have passed out there."  
"Cool!"**  
  
*******  
**(A/N: No descriptive sex for you, pervy readers! Mwahaha!)  
**  
**"Connect me to the League of Nations!" Dr. Bakura ordered.  
"Yes, sir," Number Honda complied.  
The screen came on to reveal...  
"Otogi?!"  
The bored-looking boy on the screen seemed to notice them for the first time. "Oh, hello."  
"What are you doing in the UN?"  
"They made me president because of my incredible sexiness." He looked at Dr. Bakura. "I notice that you, too, are quite sexy."**  
**Dr. Bakura grinned. "Of course I am. Evil geniuses have to be sexy."  
"Evil genius?" Otogi grinned, "Would you happen to be that evil doctor who plans on taking over the world with middle management?"  
"I might be..."  
Frau Malik nudged Number Honda near the back of the room. "Are they flirting?" He hissed.  
"I think so..."**  
**Otogi twirled his hair around his finger and tilted his head slightly. "So... why are you calling?"  
"Well, I was going to hold the world ransom, but as long as you're on the line-" Dr. Bakura was cut off as Frau Malik smacked him. "Oh, right. Er, give us one-hundred billion dollars or we'll blow up all the major car corporations in the world!"  
There was a collective gasp from the UN.**  
**Otogi leaned forward. "There's got to be some way to change your mind!"  
"Now that you mention it..."   
Frau Malik smacked him again.  
"There might be a way. Guess what it is."**  
**Otogi pondered for a moment. "Will you change your mind if I make the sex with you?"  
A random member of the UN scoffed. "'Make the sex'?"  
"DO NOT QUESTION ME!" Otogi shouted, slamming on a red button on the arm of his chair. The random UN member screamed and disappeared.**  
**Dr. Bakura's eyes sparkled. "Cool! I want a system like that!"  
Otogi grinned. "Well, come round here and you can see it..."  
"I might just do that."  
Frau Malik sighed and gave up.**  
**Dr. Bakura cleared his throat. "But yes. I'll be needing that money. I've already made an appointment to buy my yacht."  
Otogi pouted. "Come on, Dr. Bakura. Isn't there /anything/ I can do to make you change your mind...?"  
"Can you buy me a yacht?"  
"Well... /I/ have a yacht..."  
"I want my own!"  
Number Honda groaned. "Tell me they aren't arguing over a yacht."**  
**Frau Malik nodded. "They're horny. In fact, _everyone_ here is horny."  
"Are you?" Number Honda asked, nudging him.  
"No. I'm still annoyed about earlier."  
"Damn!"  
They continued watching Dr. Bakura's conference.  
"I want my own yacht." Dr. Bakura pouted.  
"You can't have mine!"**  
**"Then say goodbye to your precious major car corporations!" Dr. Bakura snarled. He whipped out a remote and held his finger threateningly over the button.  
"NO! DON'T!" Otogi cried. He pouted, looking around at his fellow UN members. "Fine. I'll give you my yacht. Just don't destroy the car companies."  
Dr. Bakura smirked. "I knew you'd see it my way."  
Otogi continued to pout. "I never want to see you again!" He stormed off-screen.**  
**Dr. Bakura growled. "Otogi! Come back or say goodbye to the cars!"  
Otogi ran back on. "FINE!"  
"Heh heh heh... Otogi, meet me in the abandoned warehouse."  
"What abandoned warehouse?"  
"The one where I'm going to-"  
Frau Malik hit him over the head again.**  
**Dr. Bakura glared at Frau Malik. "Stop doing that!"  
Frau Malik glared right back. "Stop trying to get into Otogi's pants!"  
Otogi suddenly seemed delighted. "So you /do/ want to make the sex with me!"  
Dr. Bakura paused. "No, not really."  
"What?! Why?!"  
"The author experienced a mood swing."  
"Ah."  
  
---  
  
She wrote the make the sex' stuff as well, too. And the yacht idea. And the Frau Malik smacking Dr. Bakura over the head every time he flirts idea. Anyway, PLEASE GIVE IDEAS.  
...  
...  
Cookies to whoever does.


End file.
